The Last Goodbye for Grandmother

At a very early age, I became aware of death by hearing stories of the passing of my Grandfather, George Stuart.

The raw emotions of losing someone close terrified me. To my six year old mind, I assumed Grandmother would be the next family member to die. I began imagining myself at her funeral so that I wouldn’t be overwhelmed by the sadness of the event. There were many nights while visiting Grandmother in Henderson that I would cry myself to sleep after envisioning me and my family standing at her graveside.

The moment I’ve tried to prepare for after 40 years has finally come, and I fear I am woefully unprepared.

Grace Stuart was born Grace McBee on June 9th, 1910 in Hugo, Oklahoma. She passed away last Sunday, September 27 at the age of 99.

She was preceded in death by her husband, George B. Stuart, her step-sons, Lindell and Bert, and a step-daughter, Marjorie Powell.

Survivors include:

daughter, Judy Martin and husband Ray of Bryan and

Janna Litton of Ft. Worth, seven grandchildren, 12 great-grandchildren and 8 great-great grandchildren.

Some knew her as Ms. Stuart, Grace, Mother Grace, Grandmother Grace, Mother, Fancy, the hat lady.

I knew her as simply Grandmother - and, for me, she fit that title better than any other. She was never Granny, or Grandma. Grandmother always sounded so formal. To me it was a way to show the utmost love and respect to an elegant lady.

I’ll speak of my experience as her grandson, my wife, Angela will sing; then Diane and Clete Browne will share their memories of Grandmother Grace. There will be some more singing and then we’ll then invite others to speak.

Grandmother's house was the only constant place through my entire life. At last count, I had lived in over 30 different houses - but Grandmother's was always the same, so it is difficult for me to remember specific visits or summers I spent in Henderson. They were all the same.

My favorite place at Grandmother's house was her kitchen. We would arrive, many times very late, enter through the backdoor and up 2 steps to the kitchen where all the greeting took place. From then on it seemed all activities centered in and around the kitchen. Food was the constant topic of conversation at Grandmother's house. At lunch, we talked about supper. At supper, we talked about dessert and the malts Lindell would fix just before bedtime. For those of you who have had the great fortune of eating a meal cooked in Grace's kitchen, I don't have to mention the rolls, meatloaf and banana pudding.

A few words about Grandmother as a person. Selfless, guileless. She did not have the capacity to deceive or manipulate and would never presume anyone else would either. Eckhart Tolle and Oprah have been encouraging people to live in the now. Grandmother couldn't imagine living any other way. Every moment was perfect and she meant to enjoy it to the fullest before it passed.

My least favorite place at Grandmother's house was the driveway, because that usually meant we were leaving. The one thing Grandmother hated was saying goodbye. Every time I would approach her at the end of the visit to say we had to leave, she always had this pained expression when she said "no." Then would start the long goodbye as we would gather our things and slowly move toward the backdoor. Once everyone had exchanged hugs, we would enter the car, roll down the windows and start to wave. The waving continued until all possible visibility angles had been passed and there was no possible way for any participant to see the wave of another.

Sunday morning at 10:45 am, I got to wave goodbye to Grandmother for the last time. Last Thursday we made the decision to take her home to be assisted by hospice. We made her as comfortable as we could and then started telling her that we loved her and would miss her, but it was time to say goodbye. In her usual fashion, she wasn't ready for anyone to leave. She loved life and her family - she didn't want that to end. Just as she always did, she wanted to drag out the goodbye. After some struggles on Friday and Saturday, Sunday morning she finally appeared to be at peace. We were all together as she passed - just the way she would have wanted it. And looking forward to the next time we're all together and will never again have to wave goodbye.